Parenting whether both parents are in the picture or not, is not easy work. I am aware that there are stay at home dads out there, and this post is not to discredit nor overlook them. However, after a recent encounter with a distressed girl (new mummy) that I met in a shop, with her newborn absolutely screaming uncontrollably and the strain written all over her face. I just wanted to give a special shout out to mummies. Often, the work we do as mummies can be overlooked, undervalued and this is a truth that can be heartbreaking.
You may be a new mum or maybe even an experienced one, but going through a hard time in your parental journey. You may think no one sees you, but I want you to know that I see you and value you. To that mum sitting in the toilet, just to get a moment to breathe, I see you too. To that mum sitting in the shower or the dark, tears streaming down your face, you are not alone, that much rest assured!
In my journey to parenting, I have experienced it all. From people having judgmental attitudes towards my parenting and coping style. However, one thing I have come to know is that, sometimes, when people have not walked a mile in somebody else’s shoes, It is easy in the name of so called banter, being better than or knowing it all, to utter hurtful words without thinking twice about the effects words will have on someone.
Parenting is not always a breezy walk in the park. From unruly teenagers, to very spirited toddlers, even that eye roll from a stranger or maybe from those nearest and dearest. Sometimes, it can come in the form of a partner who believes that they do much more than you by going to work a 9-5 (because looking after children is easy and you just sit on your bottom as mum being lazy, right? Wrong.) I remember a conversation I once had with an acquaintance, she desperately wanted to go back to work, just so her husband could stop belittling her contribution to the family dynamic as a stay at home mum. (Men, be gentle to your partners and vice versa for women.)
Becoming mum is not easy. All those changes to your hormones and body require time for adjustment. Carrying a human does take its toll on a mummy. These are things that should never be underestimated and yet sometimes are. We live in a “Snap-back” culture where some part of society on social media, has made it an okay thing to celebrate the so called “Snap-back” whilst sneering at those who cannot “Snap-back”. There are many reasons why some women heal much slower than others or lose weight at a slower pace than others and vice versa. Please, do not put unhealthy pressures on women to conform to this nonsensical ideology. STOP IT
Mummy’s have so much worries on their plates to be getting societal pressure to conform to a “Snap-back” or whatever form of societal pressures of conformity. Enjoy your new body, allow it to heal naturally and properly. Don’t let a celebrity who went and got surgery fool you into believing the hype.
Dear mummy of 1,2,3 or however many, I want you to know that the struggle is real everywhere. The picture perfect life most people paint on their social media, isn’t always the real truth. Therefore, whatever it is that has you feeling beat down and downcast, just remember you are not alone. If ever you are made to feel unworthy, I want you to know that you are worth it and more. The little human looking up to you, values you more than any negative comment from someone who will never be able to walk a day in your shoes.
Smile because you bring joy to many around you. Here’s one BIG virtual hug from one momma who understands you. You are not alone!
Love and Blessings
#motherhood #parenting #fatherhood